Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Mirror

Before I start writing funny-as-hell entries once again, let me take a moment. A moment is not the kind of thing you can have any time you want at Princeton. But today, in the midst of a chaos of homework that have to be completed as soon as possible, in the midst of waves of nausea at the sheer fact that my homework was not yet done, in the midst of a tremendous rush for good grades and the onus of proving the fact that everyone who got into Princeton deserved it ...

... I felt lonely, and spent half an hour just staring out of the window.


Outside my room, there is a tree that is slowly turning orange and yellow - and shedding its first leaves all over the squirrels seeking refuge. The rabbits are rushing back into the comfort of their homes before sunset, as soon as the intense cold starts settling in. Inside Forbes, my home, the warm crackling fireplace magnetically attracts groups of friends to chat with each other and play games and finish homework - the closest thing to an adda I can ever get here. The moon rises over the tall steeples of Gothic buildings - and fairy tales are created in the Princeton campus. Sadness. And poignant evenings quietly settle over the ancient lampposts, and the gargoyles look sad and lonely ... as the earliest traces of winter touch the campus. The trees are slowly getting bare ... and the orange and red plethora of colors sometimes makes the rushing students forget everything - and they feel lost, standing in the middle of that rush of dreamy colors, but ...

... somewhere two oceans and a continent and an entire world away, Pujo has arrived.

Durgapujo. The best times of my life ... all those nights of staying wide awake, cursing the incessant beating of the dhak, all those Shoshthis wandering around Maddox Square with friends, watching girls and weaving dreams, all those lazy afternoons of impossibly heavy meals and careless siestas, all those jingle jangle mornings of idling away time and hanging around at the parar pandal, all those evenings of the fiascos that went by the name "cultural program of Golf Gardens", all those chess matches with friends, card tricks ....

... the smell of kaashphool merged with that of my childhood ...

and the Saptamis. Me and my circles of my greatest friends ever ... wandering around from early in the morning, having lunch together, then pandal-hopping, generally hanging around together, playing Killer with cards, and finally going back to our earliest childhoods in Deshapriya Park, riding all the rides, screaming in delight like eight-year-olds, poignantly watching darkness fall.

That is my past now, but I cannot let go of it. The memory is too overwhelming, it's my present, it's my future - and this year, I wasn't there. I will not be at home for Pujo for the next three years, and maybe not even after that.

And the leaves are turning red and falling off, and my childhood with them. But it's not yet time for the memories to go.


I love you, all my friends. Happy Pujos.

23 comments:

precisely said...

Rik :)
I know how you feel. I have missed home in the past.

sonalisa said...

hey rik...we really missed u a lott on saptami..this time as we all roamed about on tht day we really felt ur absence..we all enjoyed but still something was missing..and now reading ur blog it felt nice to think tht u also missed us a lott...anyways study hard nd always stay as u r...shubho bijoyaaa...

Anonymous said...

you write so fuckin well - i could totally identify with you...

keep posting.

aratrika said...

even as u sit a thousand miles away............... u just make me cry..........tears well up in my eyes as ur heart does the reminicising................. o i miss u so bad............. evrything here, is changing so fast..........and am a part of this only constant........... o how i miss those days......... luv u swthrt.......... i hav so much to tell u

Shruthi said...

I think I understand what you feel... Happy Pujo to you as well....

And welcome back to the blogosphere :)

purple rain said...

im feelin bad u couldn come back here for pujos now.. u write really well! kee it up..

Gypsy said...

Monsieur Poet, do not lose heart. Once a Calcuttan, always a Calcuttan. Your new life is going to be wonderful and enriching. And Calcutta will always be here. Whenever you're ready, it will welcome you with arms wide open. =)

All the best.

Ashwath Rabindranath said...

Welcome back to the blogosphere! It's nice to read your writing again.

Sarbajaya said...

*silence*

Surjayan said...

As soon as i read da blog i faild 2 resist myslf 2 sing da song "those wer da best days of my life" but not 'sumr of 69' bt da days i spend with such frends who left an evrlastin impresn in my butt oh sry in my hrt........
But truly we didnt mis u atal.(kaash ye ho sakta..... :-))
neways eat healdy drink healdy n try 2 be wealdy in evry aspect.....
hope 2 meet again soon

Clezevra said...

To be stuck here for eternity, or escape for the briefest while? To be or no to be?

mitr_bayarea said...

Guess you must barely have time to do all the things you must get done at Princeton, what an honor to study there. Lovely fall picture, makes me miss east coast.

Monorina said...

Newest fangirl from good ole Kol!
Hello, this is Monorina.

ИΞΘ said...

AAAARGH!
WHY am I not on that last pic?
And btw, how does 'PRINCETON' feel? Not the assignments, none of that. the huge princeton thing within quotes, you know what i'm saying? how does it feel to be there?

ИΞΘ said...

And dude, I really missed you during pujo.
And btw, how does it feel not to be able to talk in Bangla?

Pratiti said...

Awwwwwww. :-(

pravin said...

Hi there Rik, i am pravin. am 24 yrs old.. i read about you in the magazine 'Scan'. Man, you have clarity of what you want out of life. i appreciate your reasons for taking decisions in life. i don't know whether they will bring you success materially, but u r definitely gonna be happy. and at the end of the day that is what matters!!!! because a truly happy man is a virtuous man. you are in Princeton, the institution that has a great history. The institution that was abode for many best brains we could think of: Einstein, John Nash, John von Neumann, Solomon Lefschetz and many more.
I didn't plan my this life properly. Next life, i would definitely plan properly, because Mathematics is beautiful. And in my next life, i wish to cherish the beauty.you have earned the chance to cherish this beauty. Go ahead boy, cherish the beauty and challenges of fundamental sciences!!!! wish you great happiness in life. take care. Sorry for being so verbose.

Zephyr said...

yey yey! Rik-er protyaborton! *winks* :D
Yes, i know how you feel.
anyway, welcome to blogosphere again! Abar disappear korey jaash na. Btw, I am saumyashree :)

the soliloquist said...

Chanced upon your blog. From Priyanka's, I think.
Lovely post. Very evocative descriptions.
Keep posting.

Abhinav Garg said...

excellent post dude
real emotional.
reminded me of the days at camp

Teleza said...

Good words.

WiseOwl said...

chanced upon this post (yet again).
you look really happy with your friends.
and sentiments about pujo are shared (as you already know).

'... I felt lonely, and spent half an hour just staring out of the window.'
i know the feeling.

'... the smell of kaashphool merged with that of my childhood ...'
priceless.

just passing by, and thought of commenting. i had intended to. and then the net died.

TidyTide said...

Wrong day to read this. On the verge of tears reading your account of the walk down the memory lane. I don't like lazy summer weekends. (Would you mind letting me know if you have received this comment? Also I don't know what google account this comment is being associated to. lol)

Tamanna